05/02/25
addendum
#life
i got a job, though it's in an industry i've never worked in, so it's an entry-level position and entry-level pay. i'm excited to have employment after searching for two months straight, even if it's part-time and barely minimum wage. i'm trying to count my blessings. even if things aren't ideal at the moment, i still have a lot to be thankful for. i'll be learning a new trade in a hopefully more kind environment. that, and i will hopefully be pursuing a bachelor's degree in august. if not, then maybe an associate's in something that i actually care about. but things could always be worse. i must be nicer to myself and others.
05/02/25
sometimes nothing keeps me together at the seams
#life
feeling hopeless again.
04/29/25
it's getting better all the time
#life
my aunt sis is visiting! she's my grandma's sister, but i love her more than almost anyone. she's strong and brave, yet also so vibrant and comedic. i wish i was more like her. i'm grateful to have her in my life.
i think i'll be starting my bachelor's degree on monday. i really hope so. in the meantime, i'm still taking some post-graduate classes. i'm going to some job fairs, and there's a local restaurant about to open that is hiring, and i'm thinking about checking out, even though i have no restaurant experience. i want to cultivate a better life for myself, even if i have to start at the beginning again.
even though the pessimist and nihilist in me tries to avoid people at all cost, i want to try to find friends who won't give up on me just because i quit my awful job. there's got to be people out there who want to see me flourish. people like my aunt sis.
04/28/25
bulletproof... i wish i was
#life#tw
well, it's been nearly a year since i've touched code. i've worked a job that i'm trying to not admit was soul-sucking, especially since i resigned against my will. but it was annoying being pitied for being sexually harrassed at work. nobody took it seriously despite multiple complaints; it all went in one ear and out the other. people were upset after i quit and acted like they could understand, but now nobody talks to me. i'm trying to get over it, but there are some things that still trigger me. but i suppose that wasn't a good place to work if that treatment is permissible. anyway, enough of that.
i want to try and change my viewpoint and live a "healthier" lifestyle. i want to be more positive and loving to myself. it makes me feel like a dope typing this out, but i need to give myself the same patience and care i give to others. and maybe quitting my awful job was the first step in doing that.
but my life is not wonderful by any means. i might be going back to school to get a bachelors, which is exciting, but the financial aspect of life now makes me feel just as hopeless as i did in my teens. like i'm regressing. it makes me wonder if there's a point in anything if i always end up repeating the cycle.
anyway, in summation, i need to try and bring some positivity in my life. and i want this website to be a reminder that things could be worse. i'll be working on pages and shrines for the things i love and inspirations. and i'll try to journal how i'm feeling... it's cathartic, in a way.
this is a personal project and not intended to mean anything to anyone but myself—as selfish as that sounds—but i feel like this is a good outlet for me. though if someone else can get something out of it, then that wouldn't be bad, either.
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